Fiddy, pack yo’ shit
Editor’s note: Some of the claims in this piece cannot be sourced and/or referenced by the author; however, his mind is a mental database of junk and seemingly useless information (useless until times like now). His claims have been read at some point in his existence, but the materials from which said information originates eludes him. He despises those
that create fiction to serve a point, so he would, naturally, avoid that behavior.
Okay, so there’s this battle between Kanye West and 50 Cent (10-Nickel), in case you missed it. What started it? I haven’t the foggiest idea, except that maybe two ego-maniacs are bound to go at it sooner or later. Fast forward a little, and 50 Cent tells some magazine that he will retire from making solo albums if his new album, Curtis, does not outsell Kanye’s new album Graduation.
Well, the results have been tallied. Graduation: 957,000. Curtis: 691,000
Fiddy, pack yo’ shit. You have been outdone, out-gained, out-rhymed, out-produced, out-everything’ed.
The disparity between these two albums (both released September 11) is staggering. It’s not even the same league. To loosely quote “Pulp Fiction”—not even the same fuckin’ sport! 50 Cent is Single A and Kanye’s already been inducted to the Hall of Fame. I’m in awe that 50 Cent could even make such a claim. Did he even listen to his first two albums compared to Kanye’s first two? What the hell was he thinking to say something as stupid as that? Good riddance. No amount of VitaminWater can save you now 10-Nickel. We don’t need shit burned to compact disc. We already have too much (calling Top 40 Radio…come in Top 40 Radio…).
Graduation is, to put it simply, terrific—one of the best albums of the year. The first track is the best opening track to a rap album since Liquid Swords, and there’s no stupid fucking skits. I hate skits on rap albums. “Hi, I’m [anonymous rapper], and I’m happy you paid $18 to hear me and my friends talk and act like fools on tape.” Here is a man that has fully embraced his talent, and he’s riding it all the way to the bank and to the top of the charts. The only problem with Graduation is, well, Kanye West can’t rap.
Kanye West is a babbling fool, with nonsensical lines, and ripped-off lyrics. He is the best-selling rapper that can’t rap… ever. He’s even worse than the worst rapper that can’t rap/worst actor that can’t act, Ice Cube. He just kind of goes on and on about how awesome he is and how much money he has in comparison to how little everyone else has. But he sells, and why? Because he knows something that eludes many–the general public does not care what you have to say, they couldn’t care less about any intelligent or observant statement you have to make (probably because their idiots, but that’s a different time) as long as the track itself is interesting, and the hook is solid you can say whatever you want, and that’s also why Nickelback sells so many stupid records.
Kanye knows that he can say whatever stupid, trite, bullshit pops into his alien-shaped skull, and it won’t matter as long as the music flows. He is correct in this thinking, because to John and Jane Radio Fan, his words are there to fill the blank spots in the production and carry the beat. That’s why he’ll continue to sell and acts like Fiddy will grow stale.
Another reason for KW’s success is that he is a genuis behind the sound board. That goes without question. This is the man that is responsible for some of the most memorable rap tracks in the history of the medium. He knows it, you know it, I know it. Kanye seems to be attuned to this musical shift currently taking place. West Coast production and G Unit-y productions are stale and tired. People (probably mainly white people, but whatever) are wanting more and more hip hop that sounds like electronica and techno (like The Knife, only less Euro-Trash). Kanye is a self-ascribed Portishead fan and that makes perfect sense–that influence shows.
Note about Portishead: it is impossible to appreciate hip hop with never having listened to Dummy. Listen to it now… you don’t know what you’re missing. Because it isn’t really hip hop, but it is… listen, and you’ll here alot of where Kanye West like to come from with his production style. Only, Portishead didn’t really sample, and Kanye does like he wrote the song he’s sampling.
The new single “Stronger” is co-produced with Daft Punk… maybe Kanye hasn’t caught the musical wave, maybe he’s leading it about 20 years too late—if that can even make any sense. He’s helping popularize a medium that’s nearly two decades old. He even has a song with Chris Martin from Coldplay!
See, Fiddy? Your friends are stupid, get them off your album and pick up a 17-year-old French dance duo, and some stupid, British goof. That’s what you’re missing! Also… we don’t care how many times you’ve been shot. We’ve heard that already. Give us some electronica-style beats and a couple techno cuts, and rap about your back hair. Hire the Neptunes, and rap about mice.
But, let’s be real. Kanye’s an asshole… an incredibly smart, gifted asshole.