Go ahead. You can smile now.
Every day and every night, even when you are fast asleep, your conscious and your subconscious mingle to create some strange vision of the world that you accept as reality in your waking hours. It is not necessarily the world you actually live in, it is the world you think you live in. Before I confuse you, let me explain myself.
All of us have feelings of inadequacy. These feelings are not something you are born with, they are learned inadequacies.
For example, I was my happiest during my childhood. There are photos of me playing in the rain, splashing around some dirty old puddles, half naked, and with the a smile running from one side of a very chubby cheek to the other.
As the years passed, that gigantic, genuine smile happened with less frequency. What happened between then and now? One word: PEOPLE.
Self-abuse and self-doubt are both attributes that we have learned from others. This reality needs to stop now before our children follow in our footsteps.
Stop right where you are, and stop trying to fix yourself! There is absolutely nothing wrong with you.
I personally always feel like happiness was something that would happen later on down the line. I feel like I have to achieve so many things and perfect so many things about myself before I am anywhere I want to be. I feel like there is a laundry list of attributes that I must acquire before I am that happy, upstanding adult.
I must be this traveling, health-food-nut, poetry-writing, art-producing super woman who is devoting my life to some sort of cause, and who is also an intellectual extraordinaire… before what? Before the world gives me a big high five, and says, “Heidi, go ahead. You can smile now.”
It is important that we accept ourselves now, today, as we are. We must accept ourselves today even, if when we feel less than divine. We must accept ourselves, and stop trying to fix the things we thought were “wrong” with us.
I once read that the only thing that is wrong with anyone is the fact that they think there is something wrong with themselves. Let go of the American ideal of perfection. Happiness is going to be different for everyone.
Some women grew up dreaming of a certain wedding dress and how many kids they planned to have. I never even thought about either of the two. This is probably because my happiness usually stems from the sandwhich I eat today, and the cat I cuddle with in the afternoon tomorrow.
That is, of course, if I decide to accept myself as “whole” now. Then everything that I achieve will only be icing on the cake.
This, my friend, will make for one genuine smile. If my minds creates this reality of acceptance, then my life will be my own to play in, just as it was in that rainy puddle many years back.