Sex and the Oklahoma City
I did not come from money, I never had HBO, and I still don’t invest in any bonus channels. It has made for a fun discovery, however, because now I get to indulge in hours upon hours of “Sex and the City” in the form of old re-run episodes on basic cable. I have memorized the programming schedule, and on certain days I can catch up to four episodes with the company of my cat, Squeaky, and my faux wood fire. Life is good.
It’s such a contrast from what “Sex and the Oklahoma City” would be like, if it were in the form of a syndicated hit. If an empowered, strong, attractive young woman such as Samantha lived here, she would be the official town whore, simply because everyone is connected to everyone somehow. She would literally be sexually connected to the entire state by some form or another.
In Oklahoma there are 10 hot guys. Well, 10 guys that you consider to be hot or dateable. You already know them and they are broke down into the following:
Three of them are frat guys and you aren’t sure if they have enough upstairs that matches your interests such as awareness of emotions (sensitivity), fashion sense (will they ever appreciate anything you wear beyond a cleavage showing cami and tight jeans?), etc., etc. You are going to look into one of them for further consideration, just as soon as you actually see each other sober.
Three of them aren’t looking for a relationship. Their semi-good looks offer them a plethora of hot young Midwestern hotties to conquer and ditch.
Two of them already dated (or slept with) one of your good friends, so you are technically supposed to avoid them.
One of them might be gay because he dresses as well as you do and hangs out at bars in Oklahoma City such as Sidecar and Electro Lounge. This is perfectly acceptable, but his dancing style screams feminity… he is to be looked into for further evaluation. We certainly won’t give up on this guy; at least this guy learned that shell necklaces are not popular anymore.
Note that on this guy, sometimes his tight women jeans show too much of his package. In light of “Sex and the City,” I’d like you to ponder this: if his judgement was this poor regarding his package while in his pants, what bad judgments does he make when his package is out of his pants?
And then the last man of those ten… well, he probably suffers from one or more of the following problems:
- He isn’t over his ex.
- He tries too hard.
- He gets awkward around you because he isn’t that great with talking to a smart, pretty woman.
- His indie band is more important than his life (which includes you).
- He can’t ask you on a date or purchase you a drink because neither action has ever entered his mind.
- He is less intelligent than you by irreconcilable amounts.
- He drunk dials you.
- He is an alcoholic.
- He is a pot head.
- He is an alcoholic pot head who sometimes experiments with harder drugs.
- He is four or more years older than you… and you are more accomplished than him.
- He has used bad humor to talk to you, one too many times.
- He is so simple or boring that he only looks cute under the influence of at least three drinks.
- He is too nice.
- He is too mean.
- He is younger than you and the lack of life experience shows in his behavior/speech.
- He is older than you so he belittles you by calling you names like “darling” or “sweetie” in a demeaning way after you say something he feels he knows more about.
- He thinks he is a hippie.
- He thinks he is an electro-rock bad ass.
- He thinks he is European and uses words like quite, a bit, and rather too often.
- He thinks he is a modern day philosopher who should write a book.
- He somehow manages to miss all hints you have dropped of liking him, and you are not going to sit on his lap or squeeze his butt cheeks to spell the message out. So as long as he choses to live as an oblivious happy-go-lucky dodo bird, you will continue to live as a happy-go-lucky sex kitten, party of one.
- You kissed once, and it’s clear you can’t light this fire.
- He is unsure about his sexuality. Many “straight” men are actually starting to drift beds because it is almost cool to be curious these days. Don’t be alarmed, this one is the most rare.
If you have a hot guy that does not fall into any of these categories, give yourself a huge pat on the back. I feel that you have hit the jackpot. There really was no major point or objective to this article. I just wanted to point out how I don’t find it likely that a couple of girls and I will be meeting once a week to get lunch and indulge in each others dating stories. Samantha seems to get away with being a slut, whereas that could never happen here. Charlotte, out of the whole bunch, would probably fit in with all of the marriage-hunting college girls here in Oklahoma. Carrie, well.. her outfits would probably cause all people to be confused. If I so much as put on an old hat, it is a really big deal; I get stared at more than normal. Miranda fell for the nerdy but sweet Steve. And, I don’t think she would have a hard time finding a “Steve” here.